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Failing Forward

Writer's picture: Merja SumiloffMerja Sumiloff

How to shoot for the stars and not get discouraged in the process


If you could achieve anything with your horse, what would it be? Would you become more confident? Have a more authentic connection and deeper bond? Would you perform or compete at a higher level?


Most people are not encouraged to go for what they want. Our well-meaning parents and teachers calm our aspirations so that we won't be disappointed when we inevitably fail. But honestly, I think they got it all wrong. By protecting us from failing, they stop us from learning. Disappointment is inevitable and does not have to determine the outcome of our aspirations. In fact, disappointment can catalyze us to learn something new or pivot to a more purposeful direction. 


Our traditional educational system, along with society at large, plays a significant role in holding us back from pursuing our dreams. Whether it's teachers, bosses, or our significant others, feedback tends to be predominantly negative. It would be beneficial for all of us to receive more encouragement.


The heavy focus on negative feedback is just one of many issues. In an attempt to avoid getting into trouble, we put pressure on ourselves to be perfect. We start to believe things like "I won't be loved unless I'm perfect" or "making a mistake will make me vulnerable to attack." It's easy to see how receiving only negative feedback can lead us to believe such false premises.


The fact is that we are all human, and as such, we are perfectly imperfect. I am a human. You are a human. Our perfection is in the imperfection of our journey of self-discovery. If we never fail, we cannot discover all of who we are. If we succumb to the pressure of being perfect, we can miss out on the most incredible gifts we hold within. 

Underneath my deepest wounds lay my greatest gifts to the world.

If I had not failed and given up on myself, I would not be here with you today. For those of you who have read the Safe Spaces book, you know how many times I had to fail forward to become myself fully. It took courage to bet on myself when I felt like giving up. It took many days of eating humble pie to learn how to let go of my facade of perfection. It took persistence and perseverance to learn that I didn't have to be perfect to feel safe in life and relationships (including that with my horses). Once I learned that being perfect is not nearly as important as showing up, I could let go of my fears and embrace the concept of failing forward!





You, too, have opened your heart to failing forward by just being here and learning new things! You are diving into the self of the unknown, unexamined. Treasures are waiting to be discovered and shared. Hurts, there to be healed and harnessed. Trust, to be built and fortified. Your full creativity waiting for you to dive in. And it all requires you to fail, fail, and fail again. In other words, learn, learn, and learn again!

With love,Merja



 

If you want to build a solid foundation for your horsemanship that comes from the truly empowered YOU, join me at the Integrated Equestrian 12-month foundational program, including the Integrated Equestrian Curriculum and group mentoring with like-hearted horse lovers!

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