Are you tired of the coercive training techniques that have been normalised in equestrian sports? Are you sick of having to deal with the toxic egotistical atmosphere surrounding horsemanship activities? You're not alone. This textbook shows you how to carve out a safe space for you and your horse and Merja shares 40+ practical exercises on how to create a better world for you and your horse.
The privilege of being the Personality Decoder in the equestrian industry is that in times of shock, people turn to me to make sense of what is happening. Most of us remember where we were or what we were doing the first time we realized our horse doesn’t deserve to be terrorized or coerced into cooperating with us.
Whether it was seeing a blue tongue in a dressage competition, a showjumper being “wrapped” in training, or a previously adored coach seen on a video whipping a horse, each of us have had a realization that if we want to keep equestrian sports as a serious discipline, we need to change how we do our training and performance.
I want to be clear: I do not condone abuse. And in the same breath, while I always try my best, I would be a hypocrite if I said that I have always been the horse's best advocate. I am ashamed of times when I've taken shortcuts, knowingly or unknowingly. I feel deep remorse for the times I hurt my four-legged friends, even if unintentionally or out of ignorance. It is from this place of ground zero that I write this book about how we can preserve our horses’ dignity while enjoying our time with our horse - be that leisure or high level performance, or anything in between.
When we face shock, we must realize that there are four separate realities at play:
Firstly, what is the factual reality of the situation? Only time and authentic recordings will tell what actually happened (not to be confused with our PERCEPTION of what happened. These are cold, hard facts).
Secondly, what is our emotional reaction to what we saw unfolding in front of our own eyes?
Next, an external reality begins to unfold: what reality are we creating with others around us? We all are influenced by how the world around us is seeing what happened. What information we surround ourselves with, and who has our ear. Who are the people that we trust and outsource our thinking to?
Finally, another reality emerges: an internal integration of “what is true for me”. This is the most comfortable place we can land on this issue after the initial shock wears off. It is this final space from which we begin to take convinced action in the world.
“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”
Creating change for our horses and our equestrian pursuits is complicated. Shaming people into changing does not work. Coercing people into changing creates acting, not positive action toward change. Forceful messaging does not allow evolution. It traps us in perfectionism and the belief that we are not allowed to fail forward and learn. It is only our awakened heart that can make the decision to change, and it is our power of one that - by example - can change the world.
And when I know better, I can DO better. There's a lot to be done. Are you ready to join me on this journey of awakening? Would you like to lock elbows with me so that we can get to work to transform this industry that we love, and to be a safe space for our horse whom we so DEEPLY love?
This enlightening narrative and guide offer readers a glimpse into one woman's transformative journey, where she utilized practical tools and self-awareness to transcend childhood trauma and discover her purpose.
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The book begins with Sumiloff recounting her early years, finding solace and security atop a horse named Donut. Through her candid storytelling, readers witness her evolution from a timid girl to a confident global citizen, entrepreneur, and author. Sumiloff shares invaluable insights on self-awareness and the transformative power of turning adversity into strength, guiding readers toward their own path of self-discovery.
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Contained within the pages are thought-provoking questions designed to encourage fellow survivors to confront their past and recognize the potential within their scars. Sumiloff emphasizes the importance of personal accountability and boundaries in achieving healing and happiness. She empowers readers to reclaim their agency and shift from a mindset of victimhood to one of empowerment.
SAFE SPACES
A journey from a frightened little horse girl
to a global empowerment leader
Sumiloff underscores the significance of safe spaces in nurturing growth and self-mastery, both internally and externally. She advocates for a collective effort to create a more compassionate and harmonious world by fostering genuine connections and cooperation.
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Through her words, readers are inspired to embark on their own journey of self-exploration and embrace their innate greatness.
In closing, Sumiloff urges readers to embark on a personal pilgrimage of self-discovery and reflection. She invites them to delve into the depths of their emotions and aspirations, fostering a deeper understanding of themselves and their place in the world.
Ultimately, "Safe Spaces" serves as a beacon of hope and empowerment, guiding readers toward a brighter and more fulfilling future.
Linda Parelli
Leading female expert on
psychology-based horse training,
and mindful riding
Since 1991 I have been on a mission of changing the lives of horses and the people who love them. It never ceases to amaze me how people, in turn, evolve through their horses. Merja's background in horses and relationship with me spans many years, yet I had no idea how powerful a writer she is, nor how deeply she understands and connects to the needs and emotions of those on a healing journey - with or without horses. A safe space is what we all need in order to find our feet and reconnect to what really matters in life.
Farita Tyrrell
Reparenting &
Inner Child Specialist
Integration Mentor
The author brilliantly covers heavy subjects while giving readers glittering hope and encouragement rather than feelings of sadness. This uplifting story is a reminder that you can change directions and live a more wholesome and purposedul life no matter where you are today.
Taheera Jogee
Grief Integration Mentor
Safe Spaces takes the reader on an awe-inspiring, tender journey of hope. This book is also a fantastic resource. It shows us how to find purpose in our individual pain. The author's honest approach makes this book easy to read and relate to - beautifully written!
