This blog is a transcribed excerpt from a live Q&A in our Integrated Life Facebook group, so it is written in spoken language. To find the original video on YouTube, click here.
Question: My inner child, the one I think of as “child me” as I was in my imprint period (versus one of my child functions personified) is having jealousy issues with my son. Basically, she feels like I don't love her best, because I put his (the son's) needs first. Her core wounding is feeling unloved/unwanted. All she wants is for someone to love her the most. I'm not sure how to reconcile her need with the practical reality that my son isn't old enough to be self sufficient yet. (INTJ)
I know you're saying you think of this as the “child you” from your imprint period, but I will bring your inner child processes into this just because there's actually a direct correlation with this to me.
Your inner 10 year old is introverted feeling, which is Authenticity. And your inner three year old is extroverted sensing, which, of course, is Sensations. And there's a lot there, that's actually what you're probably referring to your inner child, the one as the “child-like you” from your imprint period, is actually a combination of these two inner children and how they're interacting with each other. So your extroverted information collecting inner child (your Sensations process) is collecting all this information about your son being the most important person, and then feeding it to the authenticity part (your inner 10 year old), which probably has believed that she is unloved and unwanted. So it's feeding that belief that feels like it's an authentic belief, which of course, you know, it isn't actually true, you are loved and you are wanted. If you weren't, we wouldn't be doing this video.
I know, you've already worked a lot on this from the past, but I just want to reiterate that you are loved, we love you, we want you here. You are the most important person right now in my life as I'm doing this video. Make sure that you're collecting actual information that challenges the information that you're collecting in a biased way. So the bias is that you're not the most loved or the most wanted person, but here I'm giving you the exact opposite information to collect, which means for me right now, and anybody else who's tuning into this video, you are the most beloved, you are the most important person right now.
I'd like to challenge you to think -- “Is it possible that that person, the child-like you is actually the combination of those two inner child functions and their interplay?”
You were saying that you're not sure how to reconcile that inner child's needs. And the way that you start reconciling those needs is that you start acknowledging when you are getting information that is in direct contrast to what you believe. So for example, right now, start digesting, start noticing the times when you are actually being prioritized over everything else. I'm sure there are times in work that you are. I'm sure there are times here in the group that you are. I know you're doing the Integration Mentor Program so when we're doing the live call, you're very much going to be prioritized as who you are. And so it's important to notice those things and bring that information to the attention of the introverted feeling process as well, because it will start really challenging what those inner children believe.
When they start to get that, when you start to really go into that more, and those inner children start to get that, that they are important, they are wanted, they are loved, what will happen is that they will begin to not be so jealous of your child. They will realize there's plenty of love to go around everywhere. They're feeling deprived right now. So it's your job, your grown up parts of you, to remind them and show your inner children that they are actually important, and there is lots to go around. So right now, you're the most important person in my life right now. Take this and show it to your inner children.
If this concept of the inner child and the adult parts is new to you, check out the course here to learn more.
Grayscale photo of woman carrying baby : Photo by Andrae Ricketts on Unsplash
Macro photography of heart shape sand decor: Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash